Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them “It’sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro.”
“Vot do you mean it’s illegal?” asks the German driver.
“Quattro meansa four!” replies the Italian official.
“Quattro is just ze name of ze fuckin’ automobile” the Germans says unbelievingly, “Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons.”
“You canta pulla thata one on me-aa!” replies the Italian customs officer. “Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people ina your car and thereforea youarra breaking da law!”
The German driver replies angrily, “You idiot! Call your supervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!”
“Sorri” responds the Italian officer, “He can’ta come. He’s a busy with da 2 guys in da Uno!“
(thanks to Faried)
A Frenchman and an American were seated next to an Italian on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began
discussing their home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and
she told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the American responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet
and told me she could never love another man."
When the Italian remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied. "Only once?" the American arrogantly snorted.
"And what did she say to you this morning?"
(thanks to Jacquie)
Never Gonna Stay In Your Hotella No More
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida U.S.A.
Roma 27 jan. 1997
Dear signore Direttore,
Noew I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at jour hotella. I am a-comma
from Roma as tourist to Ft. Lauderdale and stay as a-younga good man at
your hotella. When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed -how
can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla down receptione and tella: "I
wanta shit" They tella me: "Go to toilet" I say:"No, no I wanta shit in my bed".
They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch". What is
I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two
pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at
toast: "I wanta piss". She tella me: "Go to toilet". I say: "No, no I wanta
piss on my plate". She then say to me: "You betta not piss on the plate,
you sonna-wa-bitch". This is the second person who do not even know me
calla me "sonna.wa.bitch", and why is your staff replying "Go to toilet", is
that a modern tella? I do no undestand, please tella me!
Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no
fock. I tella waitress: "I wanta fock". And she tella me: "Sure, everyone
wanta fock". I tella her: "No, no you don't understanda me, I wanta fock on
the table". She tella me: "So you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table?
Get your ass out of here!" How comma this hotella tella the guest in such
So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotel no more.
When I have paid the a-billa the portier say to me: "Thank you, and piss on
You". I say: "Piss on you too, you Sonna-wa-bitch. I now go back to Italy".
Directore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch.